New Beetle To Be Run By Windows XPZ

Seattle, Washington:

Microsoft founder and president, Bill Gates, has announced in a press conference that all VW ´New Beetles' sold from August 1998 will be fitted with the new Windows XP computer operating system.

Gates has timed his announcement to restore consumer faith in the New Beetle at just the moment that VW would want. No prior details of any cooperation between VW and Microsoft have been released to the press.

"I have greatly admired the New Beetle since VW revealed the Concept 1 several years ago," Gates said at the press conference. "It represents a triumph of media hype, rumour and marketing promotion over substance, something Microsoft has done for years.

"It was only natural that we work together to provide a more suitable means to travel the information superhighway. From August 1998, all New Beetles will come standard with Windows XP, not just on monitors in the cabin but controlling every facet of the car.

"Not just the engine, gearbox, brakes, fuel system, electrics, hydraulics etc. will be done on computer; everyone does that. On the New Beetle, you'll actually OPERATE the car with Windows XP - to buckle up, start the car, steer, turn, brake and stuff all through an easy-to-use, Microsoft Windows interface."

No members of the press were able to test the system at the launch, nor were any brochures available. However, several pages of the VW-Microsoft operation manual were leaked:

Instructions For MS New Beetle XPŽ

You must first unlock the door. By doing so you agree to accept and honour Microsoft rights to all Volkswagens. You may not let anyone else drive your New Beetle (which would infringe Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others look at your New Beetle and are encouraged to tell them to buy their own copy.

Sit behind the control monitor. To start the New Beetle, boot the operating system, wait for the desktop to load, then enter the following keystrokes at the command prompt: <\msvw.-car.//01drv@cncpt1//. Wait for the software to load, then enter start.motor_coldgocar#startme. When this has finished scrolling, click and hold the Key icon and drag it to the Switch button. When the short diagnostic routine has compiled and run, a dialog box will appear. Enter your User ID and password, then Click OK. Wait until the hourglass has disappeared.

Note: Some Beta test cars were fitted with Macintosh software. If your New Beetle has this superseded version, sit in the car and press Start. The engine will then start.

Should the engine fail to start, shut down, exit and re-enter the car to reset the sensor, then enter msvw.car.nogood//startme. This simple process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the engine interface module then doing a complete cold start IMPL. If this doesn't work, contact the Microsoft Helpline (wait calls charged at £1 per min).

Similarly, to slow the car down simply enter slow~stop#hit.brakes:. When the window appears, click on the Brake Now button. To the prompt "Do you wish to Brake Now?", click Yes. When the message "Are You Sure?" appears, click OK.

Some users have complained that the dashboard of the New Beetle contains switches which have no function. These are for future software releases. Microsoft promises an entertainment package with every New Beetle from 1999. However that version has yet to be released. Microsoft New Beetle 98Ž may be incompatible with other cars in your garage, causing your house's electrics to malfunction. This is a feature, not a bug. Your other cars will have to be upgraded anyway.

Source: wheelspin